


Before the Night Takes Us

by brittyelaine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canon, Casifer, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lucifer!Castiel, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Post-Season 11, Post-The Darkness, Romance, Sadness and Love, canonish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:51:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6099465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittyelaine/pseuds/brittyelaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The way he felt for Dean... It was cosmic.  Every ounce of his being lived for Dean.  Every atom of his existence fought against the reason he was created.  And all for Dean.  Angels were not made to feel this way; they weren't made to feel love.  But Castiel was made to love Dean Winchester.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dean gasped and fell to his knees, hunching over to brace his hands on the floor. The weight of the world was exhausting. The death toll was wearing him thin. The control of the Darkness made him sick to his stomach, and Cas... He wasn't sure how much more he could take. He wasn't sure how much more of himself he could lose. 

Sam lay bloody on the floor in the corner. At this point, Dean wasn't even sure if he was alive. It wouldn't surprise him. Sam would just be another on the list of people he loved who fell in harm's way. 

Lucifer loomed over him, prepared to finish the job. The Darkness had been banished, and he was tying up loose ends: The Winchesters. Dean couldn't bring himself to look up. He couldn't look into the face of Lucifer wearing Castiel as he died. He couldn't bring himself to let that be the last thing he saw. He wanted to remember Cas. His big, warm, bright blue eyes staring up at him; always standing a little too close; his wild, dark hair. The way that Dean always felt a comfort in his presence. The way that he often longed to reach out and hold him. The way his hand always lingered on Dean's shoulder. His beautiful, rare smile. Those were the things Dean desperately clung to in his time of dying. "Cas..." His voice was nothing more than a whimper; a desperate plea into the void. Cas wasn't coming back. But, perhaps he felt his last words should be to Cas, his angel, the one who stood by him always. 

_"I'm hunted, I rebelled, and I did it -- all of it -- for **you**."_

_"I'm doing this for you, Dean. I'm doing this because of you."_

_"I always come when you call. Stand behind me the one time I ask."_

"Dean?"

Dean flinched at the touch on his shoulder. The place Cas had left his handprint all those years ago. 

"Dean..."

Dean picked up his head, slowly, shakily. Meeting those eyes felt like a punch to the gut. "Cas?" He breathed, tears flooding his eyes. "Cas, is it..."

"It's me," Cas responded softly, his free hand reaching up to cradle Dean's bloody face. "I don't know how much time I have. Lucifer is strong." Tears were threatening to fall from the angel's eyes. "I can't told him back for long. You and Sam should get out of here... But I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, Dean."

Dean stared up at him, clinging to Castiel's arm. The tears fell as Dean choked back a sob. "Why, Cas? Why'd you do it?"

Cas closed his eyes briefly, and Dean found himself wanting to shake him; to force his eyes open so he could hold that memory with him as he went. "I'm expendable. I did what needed to be done to defeat the Darkness. I needed to be useful to you. To all of it."

"Cas, how could you think that? You're not--" Cas winced, fighting against Lucifer. "Cas, you stupid son of a bitch. Look at me, damn it." Cas did as he was told, meeting Dean's eyes. Dean broke, his voice shaking. "I'm sorry you ever thought that. I'm so sorry, Cas, but I need you to know you are not expendable. I needed you, man. I need you. Please... You gotta get him out." He paused, pulling Cas closer, their foreheads resting together. "Please, Cas... I love you," he sobbed. 

Castiel's face contorted with pain as he gasped, fumbling backward, out of Dean's grip. He squeezed his eyes shut, and for a moment, there was nothing. No movement, no sound, no breathing... Everything in the world was stil. And then there was light. Bright, blinding, pure white light that forced Dean to the ground, burying his face in his arms. When he felt a hand on his arm, he flinched. The hand pulled him up, and he found himself again face-to-face with Cas. His Cas. 

Cas gripped him tight, his eyes fixed on Dean's for what seemed like an eternity. It was Dean who finally spoke, only managing to form one word. "Cas?"

Cas smiled. "Hello, Dean." He was calm. There were no signs of duress or struggle. Cas, it seemed, was Cas. He looked exhausted, but he looked like himself. 

"Where is... Are you... You're..."

"I expelled him. I'm me. I'm alright. I'll be alright."

"But... But how?"

Cas sighed, stepping closer to Dean, his hand still gripping Dean's arm. "You'll recall that you and I share a... Profound bond, Dean. And much like when Naomi was controlling me... It was you. You broke through the hold. You gave me the strength I needed to force Lucifer out." He paused. "It's always you, Dean," he added quietly.

Dean licked his lips. He said nothing for a long moment before forcing out a breathy laugh. "Huh. The power of love." He smirked, his eyes still fixed on Castiel's. His swallowed the lump in his throat; heart hammered against his chest. "I meant it, Cas. I meant what I said."

Castiel's fingers found Dean's cheek, Dean's wounds disappearing before he could protest. Dean was certain Cas wasn't at his strongest, and he should be using his grace to heal them. They weren't any worse than any injuries they'd had before. They would heal. "I know, Dean," he whispered, his hand remaining after the wounds were gone. "I... love you... as well." 

Behind them, Sam groaned, finally coming back around to consciousness. Dean was forced to abandon the moment he and Cas were sharing to race to his brother's side. Cas was right beside him. "Sammy!" He shouted, kneeling beside Sam. "Sam, are you okay?" Sam opened his eyes to see Cas kneeling over him. Instantly horrified, Sam scrambled away, backing against the wall. "Sammy, stop. It's okay. It's Cas. Lucifer's gone. It's Cas. I promise."

Cas smiled sheepishly at Sam. "Hello, Sam." He reached out, pressing his fingers to Sam's forehead, the younger Winchester's wounds disappearing. He closed his eyes for a moment, steadying himself. 

Sam looked between his brother and the angel, his breathing labored, as he tried to process what had happened. All he could manage, however, was, "Good to have you back, man."

+

The Winchesters and the angel sat around the kitchen table, beers in each of their hands. Cas didn't really drink, but Dean assumed it was a comfort thing; something to do with his hands. All three were silent, staring at their hands, their beer, the table... Anywhere but each other. There was so much that needed to be said, but where to start? 

"I'm exhausted," Sam stated, standing to chuck his beer bottle in the garbage. "You guys mind if I hit the hay?" He got the impression that his brother and the angel needed some time alone to discuss whatever it was that had happened between them. 

Dean and Cas both shook their heads, muttering their consent. Sam made a face, but chose not to push any further. Silently, he turned, and headed for his room. Moments later, Dean and Cas heard the click of Sam's door echo through the bunker halls.

Dean glanced at Cas, rubbing his hands on his jeans. "Look, Cas..."

Cas offered a knowing smile. "You don't need to say anything, Dean. I understand our exchange must have been... awkward for you. I don't wish to make anything anymore difficult than I already have."

Dean held up his hands to stop Cas from talking. "Cas, shut up," he warned. Cas fell silent, watching Dean expectantly, his hands clasped together on the table. When Dean was satisfied Cas would remain silent, he took a deep, cleansing breath and stood, rounding the table to sit beside Cas, his eyes still fixed on the angel's face. "I want to be pissed for what you did, Cas. For saying yes... Making another deal with the Devil... For--For not..." He clenched his fist, grimacing. "For not talking to me about what the hell was going on."

"Dean, I--"

"I ain't finished, Cas." Dean held Castiel's gaze, his jaw set tight. "I wanna be pissed. More than I've ever wanted to be pissed at anyone or anything in my life. But damn it, Cas, I just..." He rubbed his hands over his face. "I can't. Because I'm more focused on the fact that you're okay. That you're here." He reached out, toying with Castiel's lapel. When he spoke again, his voice broke. "I missed you, man. I needed you. I needed you to be..." He exhaled, shaking his head. "I keep losing you."

Cas sighed, reaching up to touch Dean's face. It was a far more intimate gesture than they had ever engaged in, aside from a gentle shoulder grab, Cas healing him, or in a dire circumstance involving the near or wholly untimely death. This was different. This was gentle, intimate, loving. "Dean, I'm sorry to have put you through that. Truly. I made the choice that, at the time, I thought was the right one. I felt that I was expendable. I was a tool for you to Sam to use in defeating the Darkness, and Lucifer... He could help. He did help. Despite everything. But I am sorry, Dean." His voice was quiet, their faces mere inches apart.

"Cas," Dean whispered, leaning closer. "If you do somethin' that stupid again, I'll kill you." 

With a laugh, Castiel's eyes drifted to Dean's mouth, watching as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. "Wouldn't that be counterintuitive?"

"Cas." Dean's voice was gruff, their lips nearly brushing. "Shut the hell up, man." And with the that, the distance between them was closed, and their lips were against each other's in a kiss that while originally intended to be soft and chaste, it turned desperate and hungry. After so many years, so much loss, so much pain, they had finally allowed themselves to give in to their feelings.

Castiel had experienced intimacy like this just once in his millennia of existence. During his time as a human, with April. But that instance had merely been the pleasures of flesh. The way he felt for Dean... It was cosmic. Every ounce of his being lived for Dean. Every atom of his existence fought against the reason he was created. And all for Dean. Angels were not made to feel this way; they weren't made to feel love. But Castiel was made to love Dean Winchester.

When they broke, Dean exhaled shakily. "We should maybe take this somewhere a little more private."

"Sam is asleep."

Dean chuckled and stood, pulling Cas with him. "Let me rephrase that, then. We should take this to my bedroom. Where it's comfortable. And there's a bed." At Castiel's confused look, Dean scoffed. "C'mon, man, don't make me beg you. Let's go." 

Cas squeezed Dean's hand and smiled. "I'll gladly follow you anywhere, Dean. You know that."

+

Castiel stood at the foot of Dean's bed, as he had countless times before. This occasion was different, though. He stood, not watching over Dean as he slept, but in Dean's arms. Embracing Dean. The heaviness and exhaustion of the past several months weighing on them both as they clung to each other. 

They kissed slowly, exploring one another, allowing themselves to take their time. Dean slipped his hands beneath Castiel's jacket and slid them up his chest, nudging the jacket down Castiel's shoulders. He was at war with himself. One part of him desperately wanted all of Cas now, to rip into him feverishly, to relieve the tension that had been building for nearly a decade. Another wanted to take everything slowly, to relish in every piece of Cas; introduce their bodies to one another little by little. The last part of him wanted to curl up holding Cas tight against his chest and sleep for weeks. 

Castiel's hands traced along the bottom of Dean's t-shirt, his fingers brushing against his skin. "This is very new to me, Dean," he whispered against Dean's lips. He reached up to push Dean's flannel off his shoulders. 

With a chuckle, Dean pulled back long enough to shed the flannel and yank his t-shirt over his head. "Me, too, Cas." His fingers worked to free Castiel's tie, and unbutton his white dress shirt slowly. "Me, too."

Cas watched Dean's hands as he freed Castiel of his shirt. "But... You're--you're very experienced with sex. You've had many conquests over the years." 

Dean's eyes raised to Castiel's, smirking. "Women, Cas. I've been with a lot of women. Never been with a dude before."

Frowning, Cas laid his hands over Dean's on his bare chest. "I should have chosen a different vessel. A female." 

Dean's eyes went wide as he clutched Castiel's face. "I would never change a single damn thing about you, Cas," he growled against the angel's lips. "Not one. Single. Thing." He kissed him hungrily, one arm wrapping around Cas to pulled him flush, his arousal obvious. He guided him backwards, and they hit the bed with a soft groan from both. "I meant what I said," he panted between kisses. "I love you. Everything about you." 

+

Later, they lay together beneath the haphazardly arranged sheet and blanket of Dean's bed, Dean on his side and Cas on his back, one arm behind his head, the other resting on his chest. He looked at Dean and smiled. 

"What?" Dean asked, his fingertips tracing the tattoo on Castiel's stomach. 

Cas shook his head, his eyes glistening in the dim light from the lamp on Dean's nightstand. "Nothing. I'm just... I feel happy, Dean. I believe this is to be what humans describe as happiness. I once told you that... Humans were the only beings able to experience true joy. I think I was wrong. Because what I feel with you, Dean. Here. I think... I think this is what true joy is."

Dean smiled, pushing himself up on his elbow. He shifted, moving closer to Cas, letting his hand fall on the pillow, his hand gently stroking Castiel's hair. He held his gaze for a moment before leaning down to kiss Cas softly. He sighed, smiling against the angel's lips. "I'm happy, too, Cas." His free hand trailed down Castiel's cheek to his neck, and finally to his chest. "And I know we can't stay in this happy little bubble forever. Somethin's always comin' down the line, but for now..." 

Cas laughed softly, pulling his hand from behind his head to trail down Dean's arm. "I'm not getting out of this bed until I'm forced to do so."

Groaning, Dean buried his face in the curve of Castiel's neck. "As awesome as that sounds, Cas, I am a human, and will be forced to get out of the bed for human things like takin' a piss. And eating. But the general idea of staying in this happy bubble for a while sounds incredible."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was times like this that Cas was made very aware of their differences. Dean was a human. Cas was an angel. Though he loved Dean with everything he had, it was simple things like this that showed angels and humans weren't created for this purpose. But Castiel, as always, refused to accept that. He had sacrificed too much, suffered too much loss, to give up on anything when it came to Dean.

Dean was awakened by the sound of knocking at his door. "What..." He grumbled, lifting his head from the pillow he was face-down in. The pillowcase stuck to the drool on his cheek, which he hastily wiped away. Groggy, he looked around, mildly confused. "What?" He growled, wanting desperately to go back to sleep. 

The door opened. "Oh, jeez. What the hell, man?" 

Finally coming to his senses, Dean sat up, rubbing his hands over his face and through his hair. He glanced at Cas lying beside him, asleep, naked, with nothing but the thin sheet lying in such a way that came dangerously close to revealing everything. Dean clutched the sheet around his own waist and smirked at his brother, shrugging nonchalantly. "Hey, man, it is what it is."

Sam held his hand out in front of him, blocking his line of sight from his naked brother and his naked friend. "Gross. I didn't need to see you two naked."

"Oh, come on, Sammy. Don't be a homophobe," Dean chided.

Sam scoffed, grabbing Dean's jeans and throwing them at his brother's face. "I'm not. I don't want to see you naked with anyone. And Cas is my friend. Didn't really want to see him naked, either. Besides, you two?" He wagged his finger between Dean and Cas. "Been a long time coming. Definitely no shock there. Nor is there any homophobia. I'm happy. Really. I'd be happier if you were wearing pants, though."

Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled as he swung his legs out of bed and pulled his pants on. "Alright, alright. Let him sleep." He nodded to Cas as he stood, retrieving his t-shirt from where it had been discarded the night before. "He needs his rest after last night." Sam made a face and Dean rolled his eyes, " _Lucifer_ , you perv. Riding around in Cas for months, and that damn battle with the Darkness?" And other things, obviously. But they didn't need to talk about that. "Angels don't sleep, if you recall. He clearly needs to heal." He shooed Sam out of the room and closed the door. 

"What's up?" Dean headed down to the kitchen, with Sam in tow. He needed coffee. He didn't even know what time it was, but regardless, it was too early to be awake.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing. After everything."

Dean stopped mid-stride, glaring at his brother. "You woke me up to talk about my _feelings_?"

Sam rolled his eyes, shoving his brother away as he stepped past him into the kitchen to pour them both a cup of coffee. "No, dumb ass. I actually wanted to tell you I inadvertently found a case in the paper, but it seems like a quick milk-run, so I wasn't sure if we wanted to bother. There are other hunters who can take care of it."

Dean sighed, taking the cup from Sam. He glanced over his shoulder before taking a sip, sinking onto a stool at the table. "I don't know, Sammy. I mean... On the one hand... Great! A case. But on the other..." He sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know. We just got Cas back. We just ganked the Darkness. Don't you think we need a break? I mean, Cas--"

"Is fine."

Sam and Dean swiveled toward the doorway at the sound of Castiel's voice. He took a step forward, looking entirely disheveled. His hair was wild, his shirt was untucked, and the top two buttons were undone. He eyed Sam for a moment before glancing at Dean, who was trying to wipe the goofy grin off his face.

"Mornin'."

"Good morning, Dean. Sam." He took the cup of coffee Sam offered and muttered a quiet "thanks" as he sat down beside Dean. "I'm _fine_ ," he repeated, looking pointedly at Dean.

"Cas, you need to take a while to recharge. Having Lucifer... It's not easy, I know. And that showdown with the Darkness," Sam eyed his friend carefully, trying to suss out just how 'okay' he was.

Dean reached out, rubbing Castiel's shoulder gently, earning a smile from Sam as he watched the unguarded tenderness his brother showed the angel. "Cas, you were passed out all night. Angel's don't sleep. That's gotta say something. You should rest."

Cas sighed, shaking his head. "I will admit I was feeling drained after everything. But if I need to rest, then so do both of you. You've both been through a great deal, as well. If you're thinking of taking a case, perhaps you should pass it over. Take some time. Perhaps we all should." 

Dean tore his eyes away from Cas to look at Sam, who shrugged. "Maybe some downtime would be good for us. Relax. You two could..." Sam trailed off, smiling. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his brother happy. Matter of fact, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen his brother like this. "Take some time for each other." He watched as Dean and Cas exchanged glances. "I'm happy for you guys, by the way," he added with a nod. "Really. I mean... I'm amazed it's taken you idiots this damn long, but," he chuckled, glancing down at his coffee. "This is good. I'm glad." 

Cas smiled, and Dean couldn't drag his eyes away. Through so many years of suffering, he could probably count on one hand the number of times he had seen Cas smile a genuine smile. And God, was it glorious. 

"Thank you, Sam," Cas said, ducking his head sheepishly. "The feeling of joy is new for me, but..." He glanced at Dean, allowing himself the time to drink in his image. "I'm learning. And I do quite enjoy this feeling." 

Dean smiled as he gripped the back of Castiel's neck and leaned in to kiss him. 

Sam made a noise and stood, snatching his coffee from the table. "And that's my cue! Really don't wanna sit here and watch you puppy love all over each other. I'm gonna go... Be elsewhere. You two enjoy your disgustingness."

It was only when Sam was gone that Dean pulled away. He remained close, his eyes roaming Castiel's face. "Let me take you out, Cas," he said finally, reaching for his coffee.

Confused, Cas furrowed a brow. "Out? Out where? The bunker is safe, Dean, I see no need to go elsewhere right now."

Dean laughed. "Oh, man, you're really gonna make me say it, aren't you?" He looked around the kitchen, as if drawing courage from some invisible source. "Let me take you on a date, Cas." As he finished, he turned back to meet Castiel's gaze, grimacing at the sound of that sentence coming out of his mouth. "I mean, I know we already," he waved his hands between them awkwardly, "you know, but hey, you never got the chance to actually have that real, human date with Nora or whatever the hell her name was, right? Let me make that up to you. Let me take you on a date. That's what people do when they're..." He cleared his throat, "inloveorwhateveryouknow," he grumbled into his fist. He sighed, dropping his hands. "You make this really tough on a guy, you know that? Would you just friggin' say yes, already? Jeez."

Laughing, Castiel nodded. "Yes, Dean, I will go on a date with you."

Rolling his eyes, Dean stood, heading for the doorway. "Ass. You did that on purpose. We're gettin' you some new clothes before we do anything, by the way!" He called over his shoulder as he disappeared from sight.

+

"Dean, I feel ridiculous."

Dean looked up from the obnoxious magazine he was flipping through and tossed it aside, leaning forward on the seat, eying the door of the dressing room Cas was hiding behind. "No, what's ridiculous was the oversized shirt and suit and coat that didn't fit you." He smiled to himself. Though the coat was oversized and ridiculous, it would always hold a special place in his heart. That coat was synonymous with Cas. His Cas. And that was something that widened his smile. Now he truly was _his_ Cas.

The door swung upon and Cas trudged out, his arms limp at his sides, his head tilted. "Really, Dean?" His voice was low, in the way it always was when issuing a dire warning. It made Dean laugh to hear it in such a domestic and innocuous setting.

He was dressed in a pale blue button down, jeans, and boots not unlike the trusty brown work boots Dean sported. He looked good. Dean couldn't bring himself to drag his eyes away. "Yes, really." He stood, stepping closer to Cas, looking him over. He leaned in closer, discretely. "You know, if we weren't in public right now, man..." He winked playfully, looking him up and down. "Why do you think you look ridiculous?"

Cas shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I feel... Naked... I've spent so long in this vessel, wearing those clothes. Without them, it feels odd. Vulnerable. When I was human, I--" 

Dean held up his hand to stop him. "Nothing is going to be like when you were human, alright? And you're-you're not vulnerable. You're a kick-ass angel." He smirked, lowering his voice to mock Cas. "Castiel, Angel of the Lord." He stepped closer, laying his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "And you've got me, okay? I'm not goin' anywhere. No one's throwin' the Columbo digs away. But having a spare shirt or two for social things won't kill you. So shut up, and let's go." 

Cas sighed, putting up no further argument. He followed Dean to the register, allowing him to pay before they exited the store, his old clothes folded in the bag. "Where are we going now, Dean?"

Dean grinned. "I promised you a date, you're gettin' a damn date."

+

"I still don't understand the point of this."

Exasperated, Dean sighed, clutching the handle of his putter. "Cas. It's a game."

"I know that, Dean," Cas replied, an edge of frustration in his voice. "I just don't understand why the ball must pass through a clown's open mouth to find its destination. It would be much simpler if the clown was not present."

Following dinner at a nostalgia-themed diner, they were on the twelfth hole of the mini golf course across town, and Dean was thisclose to losing his patience. He hadn't factored in Castiel's lack of understanding of the human world when deciding on a date destination. He had momentarily forgotten how analytical angels were. And how annoying it often was. "Okay, you know what, Cas? Let's just skip to the next leg of this evening, huh?" He snatched the putter out of Castiel's hand and stormed off to the front to turn them in, trusting Cas to follow him to the car.

Once inside, they were silent for a long moment. Cas turned to him, frowning. "I'm sorry, Dean." 

Blinking, Dean turned to Cas, raising an eyebrow. "What for?"

Cas shifted, toying with the hem of his shirt. "You were attempting to show me a nice evening. And I ruined it. And I'm sorry."

Dean scoffed. "What? You didn't ruin it."

"I... I will try harder to see things from a human perspective. I realize that sometimes I make things uncomfortable. Or not... 'Fun.'" He used air quotes, and damn it if Dean didn't smile at that. "Though I spent time as a human, the time I had did not involve things like this. This is all new for me. I will try harder, Dean. I promise. For you." It was times like this that Cas was made very aware of their differences. Dean was a human. Cas was an angel. Though he loved Dean with everything he had, it was simple things like this that showed angels and humans weren't created for this purpose. But Castiel, as always, refused to accept that. He had sacrificed too much, suffered too much loss, to give up on anything when it came to Dean. 

Dean met his eyes and smiled - that genuine, charming Winchester smile - leaning across the seat to kiss him softly. "It's okay, Cas. This just means we can skip to the good part."

Castiel happily returned his kiss, reaching up to brush a hand over Dean's stubbled cheek. "Every part with you is good," he whispered as their lips parted, his eyes opening to meet Dean's with a smile. As he pulled back, he noticed a family stepping out of a minivan glaring daggers in their direction. Cas shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat. "I believe we have worn out our welcome here, Dean. We should go."

Dean smirked at the woman in his very 'Fuck you, I'm Dean Winchester' way before starting the engine. He winked at her and reached for Castiel's leg as he backed out of the parking space and headed for home, the Impala's tires squealing on the pavement.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "By human standards, I'm no spring chicken, Cas. Nearing forty with nothing really to show for it. Except you. I'm not great with words. I can't adequately express how I feel about you. But no one has ever made me feel like this, Cas. Ever. You're it for me, man."

The next morning, Dean awoke to an empty bed and the smell of something burning. "What the hell?" He grumbled, throwing the covers off of himself to pull on his pants. He pulled his t-shirt on as he headed down the hall to the kitchen, from where the smell was coming, he had determined.

He stumbled when he entered the kitchen, looking around at the grand mess before him. It looked like everything they owned had exploded. And at the center of the mess stood a very frustrate Cas, grumbling to himself over what appeared to be Sam's iPad, covered in flour. 

"Cas, what the hell, man?" 

Cas startled at the sound of Dean's voice. He turned, eyes wide, flour streaking his face and the t-shirt he wore, which Dean recognized as his own old favorite, faded grey and emblazoned with 'Led Zepplin.' "I'm sorry if I woke you."

Making his way toward the coffee pot, Dean's eyes never left Cas. "You didn't. But what in the actual fuck are you doing?"

Cas wiped his hands on the shirt, his face flushing as he looked down at the mess in front of him. "I was... I was trying to make a pie."

Dean's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he made his way across the room. "You're trying to make a pie? For me?" When Cas nodded, Dean grinned, slipping his arms around Castiel's waist to pull him close. "That is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me." He dipped his head to kiss Cas, sighing against his lips. "I love pie almost as much as I love you." 

Cas smiled, his flour coated hands slipping through Dean's hair. "Don't lie to me, Winchester. You don't love anything as much as you love pie." 

"Whoa, what happened in here?"

Dean and Cas looked up to see Sam standing in the doorway, surveying the damage. "It looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy exploded." He laughed, heading for the coffee. 

"Cas is making me a pie." Dean beamed proudly, hands till on Castiel's waist. 

Sam laughed, shaking his head. "Well, aren't you two the picture of domestic bliss," he teased.  


"Shut up, Sammy." Dean rolled his eyes as he finally pulled away from Cas, grabbing his coffee as he plopped down at the table beside Sam. His eyes remained fixed on Cas, watching him work, a smile plastered on his face - all love and warmth.

Sam watched Dean for a moment before nudging him. "You two should go somewhere," he whispered, hoping Castiel the Celestial Being couldn't hear him. "Just the two of you."  


"What, like--like a _honeymoon_?" Dean asked, incredulous.

With a shrug, Sam took a sip of his coffee. "I don't know. It might be nice, right? Out of the bunker, spending some time together as a new couple. Without me."

"Couldn't you just leave?"

Sam scoffed, rolling his eyes. "My point is, Dean, maybe you could do something... I don't know... Romantic?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at his brother, searching for a snarky retort to the mention of romance. Truth be told, though, he couldn't find anything. In fact, he actually found himself embracing the idea. It would be nice to have Cas all to himself; to not have to worry about his brother rounding the corner to rain on their parade at any moment. "Yeah, yeah, I get what you're saying. I'll think of something."

"Where are we going?" Cas chimed in, glancing at the Winchesters over his shoulder as he finally placed the pie in the oven.

"Nowhere until you clean this damn mess up." Dean stood and kissed Castiel's cheek before departing the kitchen.

+

Two days later, the Impala roared into the parking lot of a bed and breakfast in Ogunquit, Maine. Sam, of course, had helped Dean find the destination. At first, Dean had scoffed at the idea of a bed and breakfast, but Sam insisted Cas would love it. And the more Dean thought about it, the more he was certain he, too, would enjoy it (He would never admit that to Sam, of course). It sounded nice. A small, quiet get away with the person he loved, away from all of the madness and horror their daily lives brought. This could be good for them. This would be good for them.

Throughout the journey, Dean had remained tight-lipped about their destination. Even through all the filthy convincing Cas had tried the night before between those scratchy motel sheets, Dean wouldn't tell. And so, he couldn't help grinning ear to ear as watched Castiel's eyes light up when he threw Baby into park. "Here we go."

Cas looked from the inn to Dean, smiling. "A bed and breakfast?" 

"Yeah," Dean replied, shrugging nonchalantly. "Sam thought you might like it. You've been reading all those travel magazines, and, you know." He cleared his throat. "Thought it might be nice. Sam grabbed the one you were reading the other day and found this place." He shifted uncomfortably under Castiel's gaze. "Do you... Is this okay?"

"Dean." Castiel reached across the seat and gripped the back of Dean's neck, pulling him in for a kiss. His free hand settled on Dean's chest, fingers curling into the soft material of his shirt. "It's perfect," he murmured against his lips. 

Dean allowed the moment to linger before finally pulling away. "Let's go check in and we can continue this conversation in our room. Alone."

+

Dean dropped their bags beside the door, closing it behind them. He leaned back against it, watching as his angel took everything in. The room was what Dean had expected: quaint, seaside themed with hues of blue mixed with white and black, paintings of lighthouses and grassy dunes beside the sea. Beyond the French doors at the far side of the room awaited a private balcony overlooking the beach. There was an overstuffed armchair and a small table, a bureau and two night stands, and most importantly, a king-size bed. Not that he and Cas needed much space - they slept intertwined with one another most nights. But boy did it provide more performance space for them to play with.

When Cas finally turned back to Dean, he grinned, approaching the hunter slowly. His gentle hands skimmed Dean's sides, resting on his hips as he pressed his body against him. "This is beyond perfect, Dean." His lips met Dean's gently, their bodies melting into one another. In all of Castiel's existence, he had never experienced the beauty and kindness Dean had showed him. He had experienced many things, but never this. There was nothing in his millennia of knowledge that could even begin to allow him to properly thank Dean. "You are perfect. I can't thank you enough."

Dean smirked, slipping his fingers through Castiel's hair to give him something to grip, tugging his head to the side to trail soft kisses along the angel's jawline and neck. "Oh yeah?" He mumbled, his breath hot against Castiel's skin. "Well," he kissed across Castiel's collar bone to turn attention to the other side of his neck. "I can think of an awesome 'thank you' equation that involves you..." He punctuated his musings with kisses. "Plus me... Minus our clothes... Plus one King-sized bed."

+

Later, as Dean napped, snoring softly into the fluffy, luxurious hotel pillow he had been so excited about, Cas slid out of the bed, pulling on his jeans and the first t-shirt he grabbed. He peered out the window, hoping to see the beach, but nightfall had made it nearly impossible. It was funny how much he'd lost track of time. He could have sworn they'd arrived early in the afternoon, but when he and Dean were in bed together, the rest of the world fell away. They had obviously taken their time, unaware of time passing outside their room.

He heard rustling behind him, and turned to find Dean returning to consciousness. "Hey," Dean murmured groggily, his voice rough with sleep as he pushed up on his elbow, the sheet slipping down to reveal his beautifully chiseled body that Cas had long since decided he could spend eternity appreciating. "What're you doin'? Come back to bed." He patted the empty bed beside him.

Cas smiled, crossing the room to the bed. "Did we really come on vacation to spend the whole time in bed?" He crawled onto the bed, hovering above Dean, his hands braced on either side of the hunter.

Dean sighed, wrapping his arms around Cas to pull him close, kissing his neck. "Mostly," he murmured softy against Castiel's skin. "Besides, we can stay here as long as we want. We can explore later. For now, I want you all to myself." His hands dragged down Castiel's back, slipping beneath the t-shirt he recognized as his own. "Why are you dressed? I need you to be the opposite of dressed." He tugged up on the shirt, Cas shifting to pull it off, allowing it to be discarded somewhere beyond the bed, along with any cares of the real world.

+

For the following two days, Dean and Cas spent most of their time tangled with each other in bed. And the bathtub. And the shower. On the third day, Dean finally relented and they ventured out into the town to explore over the next few days. It was a pretty, quaint little town with plenty to occupy tourists. They toured old houses (Cas taking particular interest in the gardens) and a museum; they took walks on the beach (something Dean had longed to do his whole life); they took a drive up the coast; they took pictures with the camera Dean had bought for Cas before they left home. It was slow, relaxing, and leisurely. Exactly what a vacation should be.

On their last night at the inn, they lay in bed, wrapped in each other's arms. Cas shifted, his forehead resting against Dean's as his fingers trailed down the hunter's face. "Dean," he whispered. 

"Yeah?" Dean muttered, his eyes still closed. 

"I want to tell you something." He pulled his head back, just enough to look at Dean. When the hunter's eyes fluttered open and he saw the beautiful green shining in the moonlight, he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

"You okay, Cas?"

"Of course." His fingers traced the faint lines on Dean's face, as if memorizing every one. "I just wanted you to know... I've lived for a very, very long time. And you have shown me more love and happiness in these last few days than I have known in my thousands of years of existence. I love you. With everything I have, Dean Winchester, I love you."

Dean blinked away tears, gripping Cas by the waist to pull him flush against him. His gaze never left the angel's. "By human standards, I'm no spring chicken, Cas. Nearing forty with nothing really to show for it. Except you." His fingers trailed Castiel's back, relishing in the feeling of soft skin beneath his fingertips. "I'm not great with words. I can't adequately express how I feel about you. But no one has ever made me feel like this, Cas. Ever. You're it for me, man." He leaned in, kissing Castiel's lips softly. "Promise me you're not gonna disappear again," he whispered, his lips brushing Castiel's with each word. "No matter what comes at us... No matter what happens. I can't lose you again. Please." 

Cas slid is fingers through Dean's hair, kissing him deeply. "I'll never leave you, Dean. I will always be by your side. I promise."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something, though, felt off. Something was not quite right. That fear of the unknown; the notion that something was lingering on the horizon knotted his stomach. For Dean's sake, though, he tried to ignore it.
> 
> Something is always coming down the line, he reminded himself. But for now...

Upon returning to Lebanon, Dean stopped to allow Cas to get their photos developed. On the ride back to the bunker, Dean glanced at Cas, watching as the angel smiled wistfully, flipping through the photos. 

When they pulled into the garage, Dean shut off the engine and sighed, shifting in his seat to turn toward Cas. His arm was draped over the back of the seat, his fingers toying with the bottom of Castiel's hair. "Back to reality, I guess, huh?" 

Cas looked at Dean with a loving smile. "It would seem so." He nodded toward the photos as he settled them back in their sleeve. "We have these, though." He slid closer to Dean, leaning in to kiss him. "Thank you for this week, Dean."

Dean's arm fell around Castiel's shoulders, pulling him closer as he sighed against the angel's lips. When he finally pulled back, he exhaled, meeting Castiel's eyes. "Alright. Let's go. Can't hide in here forever, I guess."

+

It was nearing dinner time when Dean found Cas in his room, admiring the photos he'd framed on the desk. One Dean recognized as him standing behind Cas with his chin on his shoulder and arms around his waist, both smiling at the camera; a beautiful lighthouse in the background. A sweet older couple had offered to take their photo, an offer they had happily accepted. 

Dean stepped up behind Cas, slipping his arms around his waist, just as he had in the photo. "Looks good in here," he mumbled, breathing Cas in. "I was due for some updated pictures." It meant a lot to have that photo sitting beside the wrinkled, worn photo of himself and his mom. Two of the people he loved the most. He was certain his mom would have loved Cas. 

Cas smiled, adjusting the frame a fraction of an inch. "It does look nice," he mused. Frowning, he stepped out of Dean's arms, collecting the rest of the photos, stacking them neatly. "Some of the photos didn't turn out well. There must have been something on the lense. It made your face blurry." He set the photos aside and nodded toward the few he had framed. "Some turned out great, though. These are my favorites."

Dean nodded, eying the pictures with a smile. "Mine, too, Cas." He nodded over his shoulder. "Dinner's just about ready. You gonna join us?" 

Cas thought for a moment before shaking his head. "No. Thank you, though. You and Sam catch up." Dean nodded and kissed his cheek before ducking out, following the scent of food to the kitchen. When he was gone, Cas sat down on the edge of Dean's bed, still staring at the photos on the desk, that wistful smile returning.

+

Two days later, Sam picked up a case. Residents of a small town of less than 300 people in Louisiana were slowly going missing; some being spotted by other residents days later, just before more went missing. Sam and Dean decided it sounded like vampires building up a nest and that it sounded solid enough to check out. The drive clocked in at just around twelve hours - short enough to drive straight through. 

Late that night, they rolled into a fleabag motel just off of 518. Sam chose to grab a separate room from Dean and Cas, for obvious reasons. Sam wanted to scope out the potential nest, but Dean wanted sleep. The older he got, the harder a twelve-hour drive was on him. Following a heated argument between Winchesters, Sam relented and they decided to meet up the following morning to begin their investigation.

Later, after a long shower, Dean crawled into bed, pulling Cas tight against his chest, nuzzling his face into the angel's hair. "I'm so tired," he mumbled. 

Cas laid his hand over Dean's on his chest, intertwining their fingers as he settled back against him. "Is everything alright, Dean? You seem on edge."

"I'm fine. Just tired." He squeezed Cas a little tighter. 

"I don't believe you, Dean."

Dean sighed, his warm breath tickling the back of Castiel's neck. "I dunno, Cas. I just feel like somethin's comin'. I have a bad feeling. Can't really shake it." 

Cas sighed, trailing his fingers across Dean's forearm. "Everything will be fine, Dean. It always is." 

+

"Dean, look out!"

Dean just barely ducked the swing of the vampire's blade, yelling out as it grazed his bicep, and slashed forward with his own. He landed a kick to the vamp's face, knocking him off balance enough to slice his head off. 

Without warning, another jumped him from behind, plunging a knife into his back. Dean gasped and fell to his knees, falling forward as his consciousness slipped away.

"Dean!" Cas cried, lunging forward to help the fallen hunter. Sam slashed through the last of the vamps and ran to his brother's side as Cas pulled the knife out of Dean's back. He pulled Dean's heavy, lifeless body against him as he focused his grace on the wound, pressing his face into Dean's hair as the wound healed. Cradling Dean's head, Cas pressed his forehead to Dean's. "Dean? Please wake up. You're okay. I've got you. Dean, please."

Sam sat beside them, tears flooding his eyes. He exchanged glances with Cas who pulled Dean tighter in his arms. 

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dean gasped, opening his eyes to look up at Cas. "Did I get 'em?" He smiled, delirious, his fingers digging into the material of Castiel's coat. "My guardian angel."

Cas breathed out in relief, kissing Dean's forehead, pulling him close again. He looked to Sam who smiled, shaking his head. He hated close calls like that. They all did. Sam didn't want to think about what would have happened had Cas not been there. None of them did.

+

Dean laid sprawled out on the motel bed, staring at the ceiling. "A vamp..." He mumbled, shaking his head. "A fucking _vampire_. A vampire?" He whined.

Cas switched off the bathroom light and crawled onto the bed, bracing his weight above Dean. "Yes, Dean. A vampire. How are you feeling?"

Dean sighed, looking up at his angel. "Physically, I feel fine. Emotionally, I'm a little embarrassed that a damn vamp was my temporary downfall." His hands skimmed Castiel's sides, falling to rest on his hips. "I'm lucky you were there, Cas. Don't know what I would've done without you. Don't know what I'd ever do without you."

Smirking, Cas leaned down to kiss Dean softly before rolling onto his side, dragging the covers up over them. "Perish horribly, I'm sure," he replied, pulling Dean against him. 

Dean chuckled, settling comfortably against Cas, enveloping him in his arms. "I'm sure," he mumbled. Kissing Cas softly, he sighed. "G'night, Cas," he whispered, his voice trailing off into barely audible tones. He had his angel, safe in bed, and his brother safe in the next room. That was all Dean Winchester needed to be content. "Love you."

Cas trailed his fingers down Dean's back, kissing his forehead. "Love you."

+

Team Free Will's return to the bunker meant life was finally getting back to normal. A Great New Evil had yet to present itself, so days were spent alternating between binge-watching Netflix and trolling the web for new cases. On a few occasions, they hit up a few small-town cases within hours of Lebanon - simple things to handle. Milk-runs, if you will. Classic Winchester hunting.  


Cas was unsure of how much time had passed when he began to lose his bearings. The last time he had become aware of such an odd pull at his psyche, he had found that Naomi had been brainwashing him. 

It was small things at first. A photo he was certain he'd perched atop Dean's dresser had gone missing. He asked Sam and Dean about it, and neither had any clue to what he was referring. The next day, the picture was there, but the faces - his and Dean's faces - seemed to have been blurred out; as if someone had attempted to erase a photo with a pencil eraser.

Two days later, Castiel had meant to search the storeroom for a spell ingredient. Instead, he found himself in a blackened, empty room - one he assumed had been a bedroom for the Men of Letters at some point.

The following day, Cas wandered into the library, confused. Everything was rearranged. Nothing seemed quite right to him. 

_"Cas..."_

He heard the desperate gasp behind him. There was no question to whom that voice belonged. He could never mistake Dean's voice. He turned to find Dean bloodied, seemingly struggling to hold his own weight. "Dean!" Cas rushed forward to grab hold of Dean only to find him staring, confused, drinking a beer, and perfectly healthy.

"Cas..." Dean began cautiously, stepping out of the angel's grip. "May I ask what in the fuck that was about?" 

Cas's brow drew together with concern and confusion. "Uh... Nothing. Just... Tired, I guess." He looked around the library. Everything was in order. Everything was the same. Everything was okay.

Dean took a swig of his beer, his brow furrowed, eyes dragging up and down the angel. "Yeah, and that's another thing, man. Since when do angels sleep? You've been sleeping every single night since you came back to us. What the hell is up with that? You sure you're okay?" He laid his hand on Castiel's shoulder, green eyes meeting blue.

"Um... Yeah. Yes, I'm fine." Cas looked away, unable to bear the weight of Dean's gaze. "Still healing. Lucifer, you know. Lot to handle." Clearing his throat, he stepped out of Dean's grip. "I'm gonna--I have to..." He trailed off, stepping past Dean. 

Dean caught his hand as he went. "Hey. I'm worried about you, Cas. You'd tell me if somethin' was going on, right?"

The thing was, Cas had no idea what was going on. Or if anything was going on. He very well could be imagining it all. All the same, he offered Dean a reassuring smile, rubbing his thumb across the back of Dean's hand. "I promise, Dean. I'm fine." Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away and retreated to he bedroom.

+

_"Cas..."_

Cas woke in a cold sweat, eyes darting around the darkened room. He looked at Dean, face down in the pillow, snoring softly, his arm slung lazily across Castiel's stomach. Cas shifted Dean's arm gently and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, hunching over as his hands clung to the sheet-covered mattress.

"Cas?"

Startled, Cas jumped at the sound of his name behind him. He turned to see Dean propped up on his elbows with one eye closed, his brow furrowed. "You okay?" His voice was rough with sleep, his words slow and groggy.

Nodding, Cas reached over to touch Dean's face gently. "Yes. Go back to sleep. I didn't mean to wake you." With the proper channeling of grace, Cas could make Dean sleep; to stop questioning Castiel's level of okay-ness. But he refused to do so. Just as Dean refused to stop asking questions.

"You didn't." Dean dug the heel of his palm into his eye, trying to wake himself up. "C'mere. Come back to bed, Cas. It's late." 

Castiel obliged, sliding back under the covers and allowing Dean to pull him against his chest, feeling Dean breath him in as he nuzzled his nose against his neck. It was a perfect feeling. It was a feeling he had come to realize he'd longed for for thousands of years. Something, though, felt off. Something was not quite right. That fear of the unknown; the notion that something was lingering on the horizon knotted his stomach. For Dean's sake, though, he tried to ignore it.  


Something is always coming down the line, he reminded himself. But for now...

+

"Cas..."

Castiel stared wide-eyed at Dean, watching as blood trickled from his nose and mouth. So many emotions flashed through the the elder Winchester's eyes. Fear. Regret. Hurt. Betrayal.  
The room around them seemed to blur. "Dean?" You're bleeding. What happened?" He took a step toward the hunter, but in an instant, Dean was gone. In his place stood Lucifer.

"Hey there, Castiel." Lucifer grinned, a nasty malevolent grin, as he looked around, nodding in approval. "This is some life you've built here. I have to say, I'm impressed. I mean... I knew you harbor end feelings for Dean, but _this..._ " He circled Castiel, looking him over, "this is just magnificent!"

Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. This couldn't be happening. Lucifer wasn't real. He had cast him out. This was a nightmare. But angel's don't dream.

"Sorry to interrupt your little love fest, but I couldn't let you miss the big show."

"What are you talking about?" Cas growled.

Lucifer laughed, stopping inches from Castiel's face. "Killing Dean Winchester, brother. Little Sammy's already down for the count. We did wonderfully with him. But this will be our masterpiece! Dean Winchester - the Righteous Man!"

Tears flooded Castiel's eyes. "I cast you out. This isn't real. They're fine. Sam and Dean are alive. I healed them myself."

Again, Lucifer laughed. "Oh, Castiel. You always were the dreamer, weren't you? I always envied that about you. You know," he wagged a finger as he crossed his arms, "you and I weren't all that different. Well, except for our level of affection for humans, of course. But God always did love you the most." He clapped his hands together, causing Cas to startled. "But I digress. No, sadly you are mistaken. You've been nestled in your happy little dream world here, while I'm out there doing all the heavy lifting. We've reached the swan song, though, my friend. So I need you front and center."

Everything disappeared, and all Cas could see was Dean, bloodied and kneeling before him, hands pressed firmly to the floor. Sam's body lay bloody in the corner, his neck twisted at an unnatural angle. 

"Cas..." Dean's voice was nothing more than a whimper, a desperate plea into the void.

"Oh, Dean," Lucifer chided, raising the angel blade. 

"No!" Castiel cried, watching helplessly as his hands plunged the blade downward, impaling Dean. He watched helplessly as Dean's lifeless body fell forward, a pool of blood seeping out from beneath him.

Then there was light. Bright, blinding, pure white light. 

And Lucifer was gone. At Castiel's feet lay Dean Winchester's lifeless body. "Dean!" Cas fell to his knees, pulling the angel blade out of Dean before he pulled the hunter into his arms. He cupped Dean's face, trying to channel his grace to heal him. But it was gone. There was nothing. Dean as dead, at his own hand, and Lucifer had left him powerless to bring him back.  


He pulled Dean closer, feeling the warm blood seeping into his clothes as he buried his face in Dean's neck, breathing him in just as his memories said he had so many times before. "I'm so sorry, Dean," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry."


End file.
